The Land of Fae

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Fae governance
This is just a fancy way of talking about the faerie government — who leads, who follows, and how they decide who does what.

The Land of Fae is so diverse that there are many methods of ruling. Most of the cultures that I know about follow the basic principals that many of our own Human traditions follow. (Or at least aspire to follow. Or pretend to follow.)

There is no official faerie police force. There are a few solid rules, which are enforced completely by the populace. Everyone is accountable to everyone else for his or her actions, and that keeps things pretty civil. Pranksters who have deliberately harmed another being have been humbled quickly by public humiliation and ridicule. This doesn’t sound consistent with the pretty pictures I’ve been painting all along of the Fae and their lifestyle, but basically, it means that everyone still has free will in the Land of Fae. They can choose to be kind or to be unkind. Those who are unkind are in essence asking to receive unkindness in return. They may often be ignored and treated as if they were invisible — the greatest unkindness possible in the faerie realm. Faeries can be very sensitive about invisibility...when they aren’t being grateful for it.

Procedural policy
If someone proposes a development, change, new regulation or law for the Land of Fae, generally the following things are considered in decision-making:
What impact will this action have on and all known living beings and places beyond the Land of Fae? Does it have a positive and constructive outcome or does it harm the aforementioned?
What impact does this decision have on the Land of Fae? On each community?
What impact does this decision have on every living being?

If the action is deemed harmful to any of these, the regulation or change is generally dismissed until a harmonious alternative has been found.

Another factor in decision-making is consideration of how new changes will affect the future. Even though time is ever-changing, within that random timelessness there are finite time segments and outcomes that do leave impressions on the land and its inhabitants.

This might sound like a lot of government, but it’s rather simple. If toxic waste were being considered as a type of fuel, it would harm one part of the universe in order to benefit another part. So faeries would never consider it as an energy source. If creating unnatural materials like plastic was harmful to any lands, whether in the production or the waste it creates, it would not be seen as a beneficial addition to the realm. It would not be created.

So long as the Fae retain this standard of living and development, Humans will always consider them a subspecies. It isn’t that faeries lack the ability to invent amazing things. In fact, they are in many ways superior to Humans in this area. They simply know where to draw the line, and are happy to do it for the benefit of all living beings.

Politics
Faeries never argue about religious or political preferences. Long ago, great wars were fought over such differences, but when they began researching their underlying belief systems, they discovered that their beliefs were usually quite similar. Then they felt quite foolish for fighting and began cooperating with each other. Small differences in opinion came to be respected.

Faeries know that in a reality where every individual is different, each has the ability to learn and grow. They believe that if all faeries were exactly the same, they would all end up having the same experiences and doing the same things, and therefore never grow.

Faeries also know that if they are not growing, they are closer to death than to life. Like a muscle, if the spirit isn’t expressing itself it is not living, and if it’s not living then it is fading away. This is why faeries always encourage change, and strive to be greater than before in each moment of every day. They also encourage gratitude, for the ungrateful are often considered the undeserving. In the Land of Fae, faeries are most grateful for peace and strive to keep it that way.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION AND HELP

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IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION AND HELP

Lost?
If for some reason you depart from the itinerary set forth in this Guide, call for the Dream Bird and you will be escorted or transported to the nearest Transportation Station where your route can be corrected. You will be back on the right path before you know it. You can call the Dream Bird by whispering three times, “Dream Bird, Dream Bird, fly my way.”

Trouble?
If you find that you have greatly offended or violated one of the Sacred Commitments, you could be taken to a faerie council meeting, where you will be questioned about your actions and your integrity will be challenged. The worst thing that can happen is that you will be apprehended and detained in an Attitude Alteration Facility, where you will be made to watch funny antics until you hurt from your own laughter. That is usually enough to do the trick and ease the council’s mind about your intentions.

Big trouble?
There is no Human embassy in the faerie realm, but you can ask for representation or private council from a faerie rep. Ultimately, you have to fend for yourself. There’s not much you can do but tell the truth and understand what it is you have done. Also remember, an apology goes a long way, as long as it’s sincere. I have never known anyone to end up in a council meeting who hadn’t committed a major offense, like willfully squashing a spider or ripping off a bug’s legs. Other offenses might include venturing off on your own, for certainly this will be cause for alarm. Your whereabouts will always be known and you are expected to remain within the boundaries set forth by this Guide. If you are discovered intentionally sneaking off, you will be set back on course, or you may find yourself abruptly awakened and in your own bed, or possibly on your front lawn. (This is a good reason to wear pajamas to bed when you travel.)

Weird state of mind?
It is unlikely that you will slip out of your natural state of bliss, but if you find yourself sliding into fear or caution, it’s likely that you are surfacing from your dream. There’s no need to be afraid in the Land of Fae, because you have power there. Great power. All you need to do is remember that, think some strong, happy and peaceful thoughts, and you can begin once again navigating and piloting your own experiences.

If you find yourself observing or witnessing frightful creatures or dark lands, it is not because they are there in front of you. It is because they are surfacing within your own being and gaining strength through your attention. Look right past that darkness to the light that’s all around and breathe it in, soak it in, and elevate yourself to a higher emotional state. In other words, get happy.

Do not travel to the Land of Fae when you are in a bad emotional state. The Land of Fae has great healing power, but is not wisely used as a cure for unhappiness. You must get happy first, and then the Land of Fae will appear before you.
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The history of the Land of Fae
The Land of Fae is as old as the Planet Earth, if not older. It’s said that long before the Earth was round, the Land of Fae existed alongside many other nonphysical cultures and realms. These realms and dominions are similar to the places we experience in our own Human dreams.

The inhabitants and culture of Fae
There are thousands if not millions of cultures within the Fae. There are, of course, those close to our Earth realm as well as other planetary Fae colonies. Each is slightly different, yet many in the Land of Fae area carry many similarities in their attire, handicrafts and beliefs.

Customs, currency and courtesies
The currency of the Fae bears no relation to dollars and cents. It is simply an honor system where an exchange is offered. Once in a while you might be asked for a bean or two, or some rice or other food item. Don’t worry if you don’t have a hill of beans to give, just offer what you can.

If you have a talent, a song, a poem, a drawing, give it. An ear or a hand? Lend it. Be polite and always offer something to a stranger as a sign of your peaceful heart. This is especially important for Humans to do at this time. Fortunately, a simple offer is considered the kindest gift. If you can’t pay anything in an exchange for what you are receiving, it is expected that you will pay it to someone else in the future, when you are able.

The faerie economy
The Fae economy remains consistent and strong because it is not based on commerce or greed, but rather on a strong belief in abundance for all living beings and a willingness to share and be nice.

Whatever is not immediately provided to each being will, in the fullness of time, be bestowed by each upon the other. Faith is imperative. Have faith in the abundance of this realm and you will receive what you truly need.

In keeping with this faerie tradition, as you travel through the Land of Fae, always be aware of those around you and offer your assistance to those in need.

It is imperative that you don’t attempt to bring anything back from the Land of Fae. While visiting, you almost certainly will discover amazing treasures and wonderful temptations that would make great souvenirs. However, if you attempt to take it home with you, it will just vanish in a poof of dust and make you feel bad for having destroyed it.

Also, please don’t pick the flowers. Certainly don’t offer anyone a flower that has been cut. In the Human realm this might be considered a nice gift, but in the Land of Fae, it is seen as nothing short of slaying an innocent living being.

From faerie pirate ships and amusement parks to faerie archeological digs

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PIRATE’S COVE

If you aren’t afraid of deep water, sail away on the Faerie Pirate Ship Cruise, where you will travel to the farthest corner of Fae. On the swift and sturdy Maiden Voyage II you will follow the same route that the legendary faerie ship Maiden Voyage traced in search of the edge of the Land of Fae.

For safety’s sake you will dock just at the edge of the giant precipice, to avoid suffering the same fate that the first Maiden Voyage faced — sailing right over the edge into the Land of Infinity. (Trust me, you don’t want to go there yet.)

From the crow’s nest you will have the best view on the ship. You will also receive the best service with a kind and gentle faerie hospitality pirate ships are generally not noted for. Each meal is included in the cruise price, and will be prepared by the on-board chef. In keeping with a quaint tradition, your final meal aboard will be the same last meal the passengers on the late Maiden Voyage enjoyed.

Be prepared for all kinds of weather. The seas are ever-changing —it may be sunny and warm, and the next moment you might find yourself in a blizzard. Generally, you can expect fair weather if you stay optimistic and enjoy the ride. A sunny disposition can dissipate even the stormiest of skies. (You might choose to remember this when traveling anywhere, whether in the Land of Fae or not.)

Silly Land is really silly

After such a serious excursion, perhaps it’s time for some faerie fun. Silly Land is one of the craziest places I’ve been in my lifetime. It is home to a lot of goofy characters who act silly and pose with you for long moments at a time. They are somewhat like celebrities, with lots of paint on their faces and exaggerated features. I could hardly stop laughing from the moment I bought my ticket until the last instant when I fell through the closing gate like a marathon runner falling over the finish line.

It’s a place where you can eat and eat and eat, laugh yourself silly, and try not to throw up as you are whirled around on the backs of bull eagles. (Just what it sounds like, a bucking bull/eagle hybrid.)

Frankly, this is an adventure that could easily be skipped until next time, but when considering which attractions to include in the Dream Destination Travel Guide, we considered the places most loved by Humans. Going somewhere silly was high on their lists, especially with kids and the elderly, so we’ve included it.

Fall Ride City Amusement Park

If Silly Land doesn’t sound like your mug of mirth, you might consider opting for the Amusement Park at Fall Ride City. It has some exciting rides, from faeries wheels to carousels, from spinning swings to whirling teacups. There are also activity booths where you can win small Human trinkets, like fishing bobbers and wooden spools, tacks, paperclips, toothpicks and other useful Human items.

The roller coaster has been a work in progress for a reported 30 Human years, and it has grown so vast and so winding, they haven’t yet figured out how to get it to loop back around to its beginning, so for now it sends each car careening off the end of the track into a pool of mud. It’s an exciting ride with an abrupt ending and, you know what? I would never stand in line to take that ride. If you insist on going on the roller coaster save it for the end. Another one to consider saving as your very last ride is the Slingshot Catapult, which actually will be your last ride no matter when you take it.

Tickets to the amusement park are sold individually, with a suggested donation of two beans. Many faerie children, hoping to hide their entrance fee from bullies who might rob them, stuff their beans up their nose. If you don’t have two beans you can get in for free if you kiss the toad at the entrance.

Some other fun attractions to visit at the park are the fat faerie, the hairy faerie and the living faerie voodoo doll. You can even put a new pin in her to help her win a mention in the Book of Faerie Records. Don’t go to the psychic faerie on the south side of the park. She lies.

The Tomb of the Lost Faerie Princess

One of my favorite places to visit in the Land of Fae is the Tomb of the Lost Faerie Princess. For several years it was closed to the public, but is now officially open for viewing.

The crew on this excavation site has been unearthing the hidden chambers from a royal faerie colony that lived over 800 light-years ago, or is it 55 years ago? No, 1,400... oh yeah, that’s right — no time. They don’t know when it was, but more and more artifacts are being discovered there and it’s an amazing place to visit. In fact, if you have ever wanted to be an archeologist, this is your chance to assist the professionals on a dig.

Faerie lore tells of the Lost Faerie Princess who supposedly lost herself and her entire kingdom to disbelief. This was during a period when disbelievers in faeries began to outnumber believers — the scales were tipped, and faeries began to literally vanish from sight.

It is said that the princess attempted to flee from the Land of Fae with her strongest and most willing followers, hoping to escape before they too lost belief. Those who were left behind became invisible as other people stopped believing in them, and then the Fae stopped believing in themselves as well.

According to legend, the princess took her followers to the ends of the Land of Fae, where they built catacombs far beneath the ocean floor. Now, after years of searching for the legendary princess, she has finally been found. The oceans in the Land of Fae have been receding due to global cooling (and new glaciers forming due to a shortage of pollution). After centuries, the catacombs were finally uncovered — and discovered.

It is believed that the princess was buried with many treasures, which have since been looted or spellcast into invisibility. Archeologists are trying to discover what those items might be by taking modern energy readings of the soil and debris.

This is your chance to get in on an important archeological dig. You will be given a map, some teensy tools, and instructions for excavating without harm to artifacts that might be uncovered during your search.

There are reportedly 13 chambers in all, each containing a faerie sigil, which is believed to decode an ancient oracle. When all 13 symbols are united and decoded it is hoped that the oracle will reveal the secret that will allow faeries to be consistently visible once more.

Wilderness faerie retreats, hot air balloons and more!

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Rent a hammock cabana
The hammock cabana is a great way to enjoy the comfort of a hammock without the hazard of hanging around in elevated places without wings. Suspended about eight to ten inches off the ground, a hammock cabana provides a place to sleep with a roof overhead. In the daytime, the hammock can be hung to one side on a hook, and below, a picnic-style table is ready for your daily needs. You can rent these ingenious and comfortable accommodations at various places along Stone’s Throw Beach.

Find composure on Lake Zambria

If you are looking for a quiet retreat where you can get away and relax, head to the north shore of Lake Zambria. Just a short distance up the shoreline from Maria’s Marina you will find a cluster of small housekeeping cottages, complete with up to 50 inches of beachfront, a pier, and a personal canoe. These are the cleanest, quaintest cabins you might wish for, each smaller than a Human shoe.

Inside, your cabin boasts a large stone fireplace, rustic wooden table and bench, and in the corner, a comfortable, plush rocker — the perfect spot for a writer to complete that mystery novel. The long table is ideal for laying out your pages and organizing your work, and the fireplace makes for a great paper shredder. For a touch of poetic justice, you can banish any slight drafts in the cabin by feeding the fireplace your rough drafts. In fact, sections of this Guide were written in cabin #13 — the luckiest number in these environs.

If you like to cook, be forewarned that the amenities here are not epicurean. The fireplace has a wire grill for cooking, and you’ll find a small assortment of bottle-cap pans for your use. Water is an issue, as you must fetch it yourself from the spring nearly 23 Human feet away (quite a distance in faerie scale).

If you feel you need to keep up on the events of the world, you can have the paperboy deliver the local news weekly in the afternoon after he completes his morning route. The paper is not easy to read, unless you can already read birch. I have tried learning it several times, and always end up seeking out someone to recite the events of the week.

STONECREST CLIFF DWELLINGS

Just up (literally) from the Lake Zambria retreat area loom the bluffs and the Stonecrest Cliff Dwellings. They are amazing to see, with podular homes and balconies, connected by ladders and suspended bridges, looming high over Rage’s Ravine.

It is said that these cliff dwellers are descendants of the faeries who once lived in the northern region of Calamity Peak, where an eagle family displaced the Fae by appropriating their scaffolding, ladders and other structural elements as twigs to build the bowl of a giant eagle’s nest. Some of the younger faeries were reportedly fed to the fledglings, and when the ruined remains of the faerie buildings disintegrated and fell to the ground below, many of the older faeries, who were slow-moving or bedridden, went down with it.

It’s a sad tale and it is difficult to explain why the clan chose to rebuild a similar structure on a cliffside bluff, but perhaps we all tend to repeat our experiences in patterns of familiarity.

Hitch a balloon ride
The best way to get to the Stonecrest Cliff Dwellings is by air. It’s a dangerous hike to the peak, so I recommend taking a hot air balloon to the top, landing on the big, round, flat rock designated for air arrival and departure. At the top of the cliff you will find an information booth, where you will see instructions for descending to the cliff dwellings below. There are several ways down.

A model of clean energy
The Stonecrest Cliff Dwellings are on the dream destinations itinerary partly because they are one of the Faerie Power sites. Faeries are extremely in tune with nature and are therefore strong believers in “clean energy.” The cliff dwellers have learned to harness energy in many different ways. Their tall windmills move gears connected to belts that turn shafts that move parts. When the wind is blowing, they use their ingenious gadgets to get water, heat or cool their interior spaces, and much more. When the windmills are at rest, they rely on ingenious methods of irrigation, temperature storage units and holding tanks to store the energy they need until the wind blows again.

The faeries also produce their own energy by staying fit at their local fitness clubs. These activity areas have treadmills, round running cages and other movement stations that are hooked up to a complex maze of gears. Faeries always design these activity areas to incorporate enjoyable methods of moving the body to stay fit — the most popular methods are dance-like steps and positions employed in movement games that use the body to engage mechanisms with other functions. Everyone regularly contributes a specific amount of movement to the common energy fund, and they do it joyfully. In fact, I don’t know a single faerie in this area who isn’t fit and who doesn’t have a surplus of energy credit units.

These Athletic Power Clubs are an ingenious way to keep the gears turning during still or sunless days, and they consistently supply the faeries with many powered amenities they might not otherwise have. Some of the devices fueled by this faerie “manpower” include cooling fans for central air, water pumps, elevators and moving ladders, and bellows that keep the fires burning in the communal kitchens.

This is the greatest reason I have marked the Stonecrest Cliff Dwellings as a must-see. It is truly inspiring to inspect the abundant natural and simple methods that can be employed for harnessing cliffside energy.

Even faeries like to party at the beach

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Sun and surf at Stone’s Throw Beach
What’s a dream vacation without sun and surf? Sandtareo Te’ is known for its entrancing beaches, where there’s nothing to do but relax and enjoy the weather. Sandtareo Te’ is also famous for its consistently warm weather and the world’s smallest surfable waves.

You’re sure to feel secluded at times as you rest in this quiet, uncrowded tropical atmosphere, but be assured that you are not alone. Faeries love to party on the beach and catch some rays just like you do. If all the sun and the hypnotic dazzle of the water make you drowsy, and you’re ready for a little more energetic excitement, stop in at the Sunset Cabana on Stone’s Throw Beach.

The long beach is sprinkled with cabanas and mountain flower faeries trying to sell you garlands at each and every turn. If you lie down in the sun, relax and pretend to be sleeping, they will generally leave you alone without playing any practical jokes. If, on the other hand, you are rude to them, well....just don’t be rude and you’ll be fine.

The nightlife is often rowdy in these parts, and we suggest you get festive and have fun. Enjoy a shot (or, shall we say, droplet) of Tropical Splash or a taste of Nectar Mead. To order a special vacation drink, simply think of a name that sounds like a tasty tropical drink, imagine a flavor that would thrill your tongue, and before your very eyes it will appear, tall and frosted.

We strongly advise against imbibing more than three (3) drinks, as they are said to be extremely addictive and sometimes immediately debilitating. Instead, you can simply breathe in the essence of each elixir and achieve a more natural euphoric state while avoiding a headache in the morning.

Get a faerie spa treatment and stay at the local B&B

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Faerie fashions
If you are looking for some fine faerie fashions to replace your pajamas (or whatever attire you traveled in) I recommend that you go down to the polished-diamond-in-the-rough part of the 87th Ward. There you can find the most diverse assortment of fashions and accessories anywhere in the Land of Fae.

It certainly beats the Mall of Fae. I don’t recommend the Mall one bit. It’s filled with adolescent faeries ramped up on hormones and oxygen. (Hyperventilating is a favorite pastime.) When they aren’t breathing hard and talking fast, they are often absorbed in their new Goth wings made from dead rose petals or their chunky shoes that are one-fifth the size of their bodies. Attitude is in the air here. Don’t expect to walk through the Mall without being giggled at, and maybe find yourself leaving with a few tangled dreadlocks on the back of your head.

Which leads me to the subject of beauty parlors. If somehow you undergo the misfortune of having your hair singed by faerie pranksters, or snipped or dreaded or color-treated, you can either just let it be and it will look fine when you wake up and return to your non-dreaming body, or you can have it fixed. In fact, if you want a truly outlandish “do” while in the Land of Fae, you will have so many faeries begging to do it, you’ll have to make them pick a number.

Choose carefully at the Bel Eve Bath House

After an exciting evening of entertainment, why not stop in at the Bel Eve Bath House for an invigorating faerie spa treatment?

After floating on the hot salt spring water, you will get an energetic face lift, the frown releaser treatment and colorful flower petals glued to your fingernails with lightened honey.

The Bel Eve Bath House is said to be one of the oldest Faeradobe structures still standing. The stucco was made with a plaster-like clay and is said to have so nicely weathered the years because it is treated to an annual whitewash with the milk of the milkweed thistle.

A full spa package treatment is available, but I don’t recommend the mud treatment. This might be a good gag gift for a friend (rather, enemy) because despite the advertising, it’s not at all relaxing. Instead of “mud treatment,” it should really be called the “dirt treatment,” and made available only to those who want or deserve to be treated like dirt. If someone suggests this treatment for you, it might be a sign that you have been impolite or offended them. If this is the case, we strongly suggest that you double-check your manners and be especially kind to the staff.

Beatrice’s B&B — none better

If you love a night at a cozy and relaxing Bed & Breakfast, Beatrice’s is one of the homiest. There are much grander places to stay, but Beatrice can cook like no other faerie I know. Her light and fluffy whipped raspberry crepes are to die for, and the coffee is fresh and invigorating.

I also like the rooms, which are decorated in a simple country style. Festive hand-sewn quilts on every bed are made with scraps from a Human fabric plant (or should I say factory) where the fabric remainders are regularly incinerated. Each month a new batch is saved from the flames and smuggled into the faerie trade market for quilters and clothing designers.

Beatrice sells her fine quilts in the front parlor for a fair price, but if you buy one, remember that you can’t take it home with you. You can, however, take it on your journey and have it returned to her through the spellcasting postal service, where it is guaranteed to arrive at its destination within 10 seconds of the instant it is wished away.

The pleasure of postcards
One of the greatest pleasures of travel is to send postcards to friends and family so they can see what you are enjoying while they are busy working. The Land of Fae doesn’t have a printer who makes postcards, and getting them outside the realm would be an issue anyway. Strict security regulations make it impossible for any Human to mail, telegraph or message another Human from within the Land of Fae to the Outside.

Given that restriction, it’s probably best to send airmail messages via owl post, or carrier pigeon. By land, I recommend using Red X over the USPS (under-staffed postal service). If your message requires immediate delivery, I highly recommend the spellcasting postal service. Just make sure they don’t mince their words so it gets to the right place when they cast it off.

THE TOWN OF SANDTAREO TE’

Just a hop and a skip from Terra Cotta is the quaint town of Sandtareo Te’. It is popular to rent a ratrike for this short journey. A ratrike is an automated trike powered by rats in the wheel cage.

One must be careful not to stick one’s fingers in the cage, as these rats are not domesticated and can be aggressive when provoked. This is especially important to remember given the fact that they are invisible; therefore it can be difficult to discern what state of mind they might be in.

I suggest you take ample food to appease the rats in case you stop and venture away from the trike. An anchor is provided in the back basket and we highly recommend you either use it or tie the cage to a strong tree whenever you stop and dismount.

Ratrikes are a fun, fast and personal mode of transportation well worth the modest risk and learning curve. Rats are easy to startle and can run extremely fast. Rental prices are negotiable, but usually you can get a ratrike for just a song and a dance. If you can’t sing and dance even a little bit, we recommend that you ask about an alternate payment plan. It beats the humiliation you may feel if you try to fake it. Like I did.

Other ways to get around
There are many reliable options for travel in the Land of Fae, from bird-harnessed airplanes, rickshaws, carriages and mouse-drawn carts to hot air balloons and snow skis. Vehicles are usually either pedal-powered, wind-up, or propelled by small animals, such as mice, rats and squirrels — in some cases, bats and other tiny beings. The animals are never treated as slaves, but rather are an accepted part of the economy, earning their food and living by contributing to the collective experience.

Animal labor unions enforce regulations on how long an animal can work, how many shifts it can work before stopping and standards of kind and fair treatment. Since most faeries I know are considerate, the labor unions are among the least active organizations in faerie society.

Shopping in the Land of Fae

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The open-air market
If you like to stroll through aisles of produce of every shape and color, along with seeds, flowers, crafts, bags, pottery and anything that comes to mind, you must visit the open-air market. Booth after booth is filled not only with amazing bric-a-bracken and enchanted tschotchkes, but also with brilliant smiles and faeries eager to share their wares with you.

Usually the vendors will claim that they made the items they’re peddling, or grew them, but it’s not unheard of for larger organizations to export handicrafts to the market and hire young children off the streets to hawk the wares in exchange for a portion of the goods. You may see a child in a booth selling flower-petal faerie wings one day, and the next day selling fine teas on the other side of the market. They often switch places and jobs so they can each earn what they need. Trading is happening every moment here, and is the preferred method of commerce.

Catch a read at Brownstone Books

On the second block of Brownstone Alley you will find a few interesting shops. My favorite is Brownstone Books. This is the best bookstore I’ve seen in any land. Simply wish a book and it is there. No ordering or waiting. If you want, you can hang out in the open-air section, above the second story. This is a great place to study, sip coffee and look out over the street.

Inside the store, aisles upon aisles of shelves are lined with every book imaginable on every subject conceivable. The section of faerie tales and other faerie books could fill several of our own bookstores. From the outside, this charming shop looks small and intimate, but the back room extends for at least 135 inches (several thousand square Human feet) and the basement is just as big if not bigger.

The store is great because it’s kind of like a library and kind of like a store. Buy as many books as you want and if you return them, you get a large dollop of credit back with which to buy more books.

The Village of Terra Cotta

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The first town on your itinerary is the village of Terra Cotta, which you may approach from a variety of routes. Just inside the ornate entrance gate to the Land of Fae, you will most likely be barraged by a host of overly friendly drivers and rickshaws just waiting to take you there. I recommend that you don’t accept any rides at this point, even if you see your name on a card. Most likely you will see your name on many cards, as they usually know when you’re coming and like to pretend they’ve been sent to pick you up.

If you choose to ride in one of these rickshaws or taxis or whatever other interesting conveyance is in attendance, you will find yourself whirled off on a dizzying trip and will reach your destination dazed and confused. Vehicular discombobulation is a favorite pastime for the Fae, possibly derived from their other spinning games like Pin the Tail Back on the Monkey, and Spin the Petal.

As you stand inside the gate and look slightly to the right (west) you will see in the distance a cluster of reddish buildings. If you choose to walk to them (which I recommend) you will find that, despite the apparent distance, it takes just five to seven steps.

The village advances quickly as you approach, because it remains in faerie scale, and with each step you will find yourself shrinking until the village appears to grow to your own scale. Shortly you will find that you are at the right scale and can enjoy wandering the streets. Go ahead and venture about, browse in shops and look for a place to dine and sleep. (Your dream sleep here will take only a few seconds, but will leave you refreshed and revitalized.)

Perched precariously along the seaside cliffs of the Sea of Clarity, Terra Cotta is one of the newer villages in the Land of Fae. It was created when Humans first began making bricks and terra cotta pots. Faeries who settled here from the Land of the Sun were drawn to the warmth of the terra cotta, and they began using broken bits of pottery and chips of old cobblestone to build their village and streets.

Food and fun at the Terra Cotta Cafe

If you are looking for a cozy and intimate place to rest and enjoy a delightful treat or drink, the Terra Cotta Cafe on Cobblestone Drive is a charming option. Its intimate atmosphere and friendly service make this my personal favorite for informal dining. The cozy booths are perfect for two and just fine for one. I’ve never felt awkward about dining alone at the Terra Cotta Cafe. The attire is advertised as “come as you are,” and they mean it.

The cuisine is a bit spicy, but not over the top. I have tried almost every menu item and my favorite remains the Piccadilly Roll with sweet salsa on the side. They offer a nice variety of red and white wines, but my choice of drink is (still) the Schoolgirl Blush.

On Friday and Saturday nights, as well as spontaneously on some weeknights, you might catch some lively music at the Terra Cotta Cafe. The diverse range of entertainment ranges from Faerie Funk, Green Fusion and Bluestemgrass to the more common Hip Hop Hurray.

On Sunday afternoons, an open mike provides a venue for up-and-coming local faerie talents to express themselves in front of adoring fans and obnoxious food launchers. It’s a scene worth checking out — the Terra Cotta Cafe is known for having discovered several famous faerie bands, including The Pixie Chicks, Blue Sky Dreams and Tessa and the Thimblebangers.

After some tunes, I usually opt for the comedy club on Outcast Alley, where the mixed drinks are the stiffest in the village and the new face in the crowd is the brunt of every joke. (Make no mistake, that would be you.)

Arrival in the Land of Fae

2008-02-09T18:55:00.000-08:00

When you arrive in the Land of Fae, you will know without a doubt that you’re there. It looks a lot like our own planet with some magical variations. You might first notice that the clouds look like giant, fluffy snowflakes, and the waters sparkle as if they were rivers of diamonds. The mountains are truly purple (actually a rainbow of lavender-to-golden hues) and the trees seem to shimmer, as their leaves are never motionless, except in the case of an emergency, or at an auspicious moment when a message is being transmitted or announcement is disseminated.

Security
Security was not much of an issue in previous times. Since the unfortunate Human incident known as 9-11, security has been heightened throughout the Land of Fae. As faeries watch Humans engage in the age-old tradition of war, they scratch their heads in disbelief.

Fear and hatred are two things the Fae have worked hard to keep out of their lands. This has made it necessary for them to follow the example set by Humans of developing a system to regulate visitation. There is, by the way, no current immigration to the Land of Fae. This policy may change in the future, if and when relations among Humans lighten up a bit.

Need I remind you, then, to leave your hatred and your fear behind. There is nothing dangerous in the Land of Fae that does not first ignite within your own mind or heart.

Customs
It is customary at this time for Humans to pass through faerie customs when they arrive in the Land of Fae. If you arrive by the method outlined in this Guide (rather than by sneaking in through the back door as some have tried to do), you will be asked to stand in the middle of a circle of officials whose appearance is rather diverse. Then you will be given the “once-over,” as they scrutinize you from head to toe.

This may sound rather intimidating, but Humans continue to practice this ritual of scrutinization with each other daily, so it’s really nothing new. Each faerie official will step forward in turn, stand in front of you and look directly into your eyes. They will have the ability to see who you really are and where your heart is. They will instantly know if you are a kind being with a good intentions, and when they (presumably) see this in you, a steady light will emanate from each of them. Glowing thusly, they will part to reveal an ornate glimmering gate, which will swing open for you. Step through it.
On the other side of the gate, the Land of Fae stretches vastly in every direction, and the gate will vanish behind you within three seconds. If you have any last-minute regrets and want to turn back, jump through the gate before it closes. You have one second to look, one second to decide and the final second to leap. If you miss the gate, shrug your shoulders and get happy, then start off on your adventure. You will be home by morning, so have fun.

Briefing
If it is determined by the council of faerie officials that you are not a virtuous being (and I am just speaking hypothetically here because you, personally, are an absolute darling, I’m sure) you may have a series of tests to complete before you are let in or released. I have never been through this barrage of tests, but have heard accounts of some of the things the council may do. Nothing is tortuous, mind you, but the friendly interrogation may involve answering questions about your childhood, and how fairly you played with others. Don’t lie, for there is hardly a lie that has remained unrevealed in the Land of Fae, and certainly your own attempts to deceive anyone will be futile.

In one case, it was reported that the person being examined was returned to his youth to re-experience certain unhappy events — this time with the awareness of an older being. He was then allowed to make new decisions and take new actions. These new actions were evaluated to see if he was finally able to play nice.

These tests are similar to those given to any faerie who wants to be a leader in the Land of Fae. Beings are simply not elevated to positions of power if they lie, are unfair, or don’t play nice on the playground of life.

After your test, you will either be admitted or released. If you are released, you will simply return to your dream state, with the memory of the experience wiped from your mind. You can attempt to return as many times as you like for reevaluation, but change must be made in your life before admittance will be granted. You will know what to change. Remember, change may seem to take a long time, but it can be immediate. You don’t have to work hard at it. Just decide, and then act from a commitment to kindness and compassion.

Love will help shift your attitude immediately. Find something, anything to love — the color of a room, a warm blanket, a good book, a walk, or a friend or pet. Love brings a sense of ease to life, and makes change inevitable.

Time zones
As in other spaces between worlds, the Land of Fae has a fluid concept of time, which they call “Notime,” and so it is utterly impossible to predict or discover where the ends of time exist. Not only is it impossible to determine the time or where you are in it, It’s equally impossible to pinpoint the precise location of any nonphysical place.

With these nonstructural elements of no time and no space, you can be in one place in one instant, and in another place an instant later. You can also experience what seems like days in just a few short human minutes.

Notime also means you don’t always have to traverse great distances because there is also no real place and it doesn’t take any time to get there unless you want it to. Your surroundings, can morph into an entirely different place in the wink of an eye. When you get good at dream travel, you will be able to travel through time space with great expediency.

This might seem confusing, but if we bring you back to the concept and experience of the dream state, you will remember that you have already visited the dream state every night of your life.

Some people claim not to dream, but be assured, everyone dreams. Not everyone remembers dreaming, but everyone dreams.

You are never alone
From the moment you set foot in the Land of Fae, you will most likely not be alone. Countless faeries have taken this trip, and many accompany visitors and go along for the ride. Others may try to play tour guide and convince you to take a certain route. The shy ones usually follow behind to watch events unfold.

As a result, you will always have company of one sort or another. You might not see them at all, but unless you are an extremely rude old goat you will have a caravan of gypsy faeries festively making the circuit with you. Remember this when you are tempted to do the uncouth things you might only do in private, like probing or prodding at certain unmentionable places on your body.

At the Land of Fae, you will most likely be greeted by a band of faerie children, excitedly chattering and pointing at everything, including you, your nose, your clothing, and whatever may be in the general area that they want to show you first.

These Fae communicate in gestures that resemble our own Human gesticulations, such as rubbing the middle finger and thumb in a “money” sign, pointing to their wrist where a watch would be, displaying what we term “the bird,” and performing the old hand-under-the-armpit noisemaker trick.

These signs don’t mean the same things to them, so don’t give money, tell them the time, start a fight or be offended. The finger-thumb rub means, “Are you hungry? Do you want food?” Pointing to the wrist means, “I’ll arm wrestle you for directions.” Flipping the bird means, “Do you need the hot air balloon scheduled to pick you up later?” And the armpit pump means, “Do you need to use the bathroom?”

The faerie children are all very excited to give you the best tour ever and to communicate, we suggest using Pig Latin, if you remember it from your childhood. Otherwise, there are usually a few younger faeries hanging around who have taken the time to learn the most useful Human words.

Book a trip you'll never forget!

2008-02-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard of the Land of Fae? You may have heard about places like Fairyland or fantasy land. Perhaps you have already spent some time in those places. The Land of Fae is an amazing place, not unlike some of the other so-called fantasy realms we humans label as fictional. Call it what you may, the Land of Fae is one of the most beautiful, inspiring and magical places any human could be fortunate enough to visit.

It's filled with incredible beings, astonishing architecture and magnificent scenery. The culture is truly inspirational, as they have had much more time (so to speek) to figure out living in peace and harmony with each other and their environment. We could take a few lessons from the fae.

If you're an adventurous person, you are probably eager to get your ticket and hop on the dream plane.

Not so fast, you can't go just yet. There are some important things you need to know before you take off on your faerie dream vacation. As with most inhabited lands in the Universe, the Land of Fae has a long and rich history, established forms of trade and business, a robust economy, laws, regulations and of course, enforcement of these. While detailed knowledge of laws and customs isn't necessary, you should as a visitor and guest, make yourself acquainted with the basic etiquette, currency and the Faeries' expectations of travelers.

The Land of Fae is far more like a country or continent than a world of its own. There are many other, quite different lands that have also been colonized by faeries. These places are perhaps not as friendly, as beautiful or as safe as the Land of Fae, so for your safety and protection, we have altered the accessible boundaries of the Land of Fae to keep you on your designated course. For your own protection, you will not be granted access to other domains during this journey.

Please take a moment to read my disclaimer before you decide to embark on your journey to the land of fae:

You are hereby warned that you may experiences visions of bliss, delusions of grandeur and other moments of sensory alteration while traveling through the Land of Fae. Other side effects may include instances of happiness and euphoria. These feelings may last indefinately. Other common side effects may include giddiness, happiness, a desire to dance, skip or run about, and giggling for no apparent reason.

If you choose to travel to the Land of Fae, you will be doing so in your dream state and could miss completely and drift off into some other kind of dream. If that happens, you are responsible for waking yourself up or shifting yourself back to the Land of Fae. You will learn more about these things as you read on. If you don't read on, you are on your own.

In reading this (or having someone read it to you) you will, in no way hold any human, including Tatiana, her associations affiliates or companies in any way accountable for your experiences, good, bad or otherwise. Furthermore, this disclaimer may be altered or added to by Tatiana or her immediate council at any time to cover any issues that might arise. The amendments will be grandfathered to be effective the instant you opened this blog page, and no charges, comlpaints or accusations will be enforceable after that point in human time. In other words, you are on your own. Just like in "real" life.

What (NOT) to take

Before you travel to the Land of Fae you should pack appropriately. Don't bother running for your suitcase, you won't be needing it. Don't put liquid in one ounce plastic bottles inside a plastic bag, because faeries don't really like plastic. Some of them loathe it.

Actually, the only thing you need to take is your dream body. Don't worry, it's easy. You do it every night when you go to bed.

Bearing that in mind, in order to have the most rewarding experience possible, you should also pack a great attitude, some gratitude, a full measure of enthusiasm, your sense of adventure, a thirst for the exotic, a ration of whimsy and most important of all, lightness of heart.

How do you get there? On the evening you have selected for your departure, take special care with your bedtime rituals. I like to start with a soothing bath, followed by clean sheets and pajamas or my favorite faerie dress. Once in bed with your limbs comfortably arranged, recite the following incantation three times, in a whisper.

"Dream bird, dream bird fly my way.
Take me to the Land of Fae.
Return me by the light of dawn
so I'll wake up where I belong."

Then, when in your dream state, remember that you intend to visit the faerie realm, and remind yourself that you are charting your course to the Land of Fae.
In your dream, call once more for the dream bird, and wait for him to glide in from the horizon of your mind. When you see him approach, you will be off on your faerie dream vacation. Bon voyage!Lp